The 'Backup Bubbla'

Was anyone trying to reach me? Well, my phone was down for quite some time (You don't realize how important your cell phone is until you don't have it!)

It started out with me being unable to hear and converse with others - They could hear me, but I couldn't hear them...I resolved that situation by using the speaker phone option and turning the volume to a level that I was personally comfortable with and it moved into me adding volume with a 'hard of hearing' app that came with the phone.

 THEN, I had difficulty texting and dialing out...which carried me back to creating voice notes and using emoticons etc instead of typing...sigh.  THEN, (yes, there is more!) my screen started to fall apart (it had dropped and cracked months ago) and I started losing the sensor capabilities on my touch screen - I solved this solution by either applying pressure to the top right hand corner while simultaneously pressing what I needed to, or (when it got worse) squeezing the bottom left corner, OR (when NOTHING else would work) removing the phone from it's shell (not a case, THE ACTUAL HOUSING) and  slightly lifting the screen whilst squeezing the top right hand section of the phone...LOL!

And then...it began to have some difficulties charging....My husband would laugh at me as he watched me wrap the charger cord around my phone repeatedly, praying to see the sensor light up to indicate charge. At this point I knew I needed a new phone but I simply couldn't afford it.

I went in for a job interview a few days ago, and I was worried about the fact that I would not have a phone to keep in contact with him.  (I like to notify him of when I have arrived to a location and when I'm leaving, so that he can have an idea of where I am and what I'm doing) Before I left for the interview, my husband came into the room grinning - he had resurrected on of the very first phones I had : A Nokia 5110!

I could not believe it!!!! There were a few reasons I had put it down - the battery slid out of place (Remember that the whole back was the battery) and my antennae was broken, so it was rare to receive calls or texts if I wasn't in the right location.

You better believe that in the end, it was a 'Franken-phone" - he said that he 'upgraded' it, but we all know the truth - I really needed the laugh! The best part about it was the fact that I could play 'Snake' again :-)

 Do you remember how fun and frustrating it was to use the 2,4,6, and 8 keys to maneuver that ever growing snake around?  My score pales in comparison to my husbands, but it was so much fun to apply strategy :-D  I remember at one point, there was a Nokia model that allowed you to sync with another Nokia and play (was that the first attempt at Bluetooth?)

Okay, so all fun and jokes aside, the phone was resurrected and was OFFICIALLY a 'bubbla'.   In The Bahamas, a bubbla is an old phone model that can only do the basic tasks: call and text.  In most cases, a bubbla is the phone that you probably put away when you got your new phone.  In my case, I had a bubbla that fell into a few categories: 1) It was a classic. 2) I had to retire it due to the fact that I badly needed a replacement (so into the drawer it went). 3) It had to be modified to be used again.

See, the thing with bubbla modifications, is the fact that it really is not worth modifying.  You WILL NOT carry it into the shop because the repairers will laugh at you...and if you ARE brave enough to do so they probably don't have the outdated parts to fix it anyway.  You're best bet is to use what you have around the house because it will be your transition phone : tape, krazy glue, rubber bands, thread or string etc (You will have to be very creative because your communication with the rest of the country or world depends on it.)

So here is the picture of my bubbla that I have been too ashamed to be caught in public with (but surprisingly
enough, not ashamed to share here on my blog for millions to see...go figure.)

Let's start with the tape (which is actually my double-sided craft tape) He calls it the "racing stripe" which is not just for aesthetic purpose, but it also holds the battery in place (remember, that was the main reason I had to replace the phone.)

The second adjustment was the hair pin (no you DID see it right...he used my hairpin for boosted reception.) LOL! He said that it boosts signal...I wouldn't really know because when I DID carry it, I texted with the phone deep in my bag, and when it rang I turned it off.  Seriously.  (people were looking around trying to figure out where that old ringtone was coming from...sigh)

Hands up in laughter, heart full of amusement,

xoxo Jenna (Official Bubbla Owner)

Heart to Heart...

These past few months have been a process...I can't describe it any other way right now because I am being refined in areas that hurt the most.  At the end of the day, the only thing I can say is: "All for His glory."  I find myself reflecting on life and its purpose daily, praying that I'm aligned with God's perfected will.

I always knew that this walk was not going to be easy, but there are some days I wonder if it's supposed to be this hard. At this point, I want to be more transparent.  I want to be the type of Christian who reveals their scars and wounds to help others...I think I am bolder now...bold enough to share my testimony with others who need to know that Romans 8:28 is a lifestyle and not just a quote from the Bible.

These recent days have been enough to break me.   I don't think people realize just how much we are going through, and I think that is because God's grace and mercy has us wrapped up.  There are nights when I have cried out and asked God "What's next?", nights when I have told Him that I can not possibly go through this without Him.  In all honesty, I think that I would have lost my mind and ended up in the psychiatric hospital here on the island.

I have learned that people will smile, laugh, and share with you until they feel or know that you have nothing to bring to the table...it doesn't matter how much you have done for them, in the end it's all about what you can do for them now.  I have severed friendships this season that left me in grief, and then with a heavy heart I have watched friends walk away.  I have experienced lack of empathy from people I thought I would be empathetic, and I have found that, for some people, money is EVERYTHING.  I have received phone calls, texts, emails, whatsapp messages etc. that were so distasteful, that at one point I had to threaten to reveal persons true characters through social media.

This whole process has taught me a few things, among them is the fact that you truly can not trust in man (Psalm 146:3-4) .  The Bible itself says that the hands of flesh will fail you . I place my hopes in God's hands, believing (and knowing) that He cherishes everything about me, and that His hands are the safest place for my sanity. And in doing so, I have a peace that REALLY surpasses understanding - which brings me to my next problem: People see you genuinely happy, and if they know your struggle (and in some instances, they know because they are the cause of your struggle) they get upset because it means that you have some source of happiness, and they feel that you shouldn't.

I had to explain to someone a few weeks back that I was unemployed, and although I am a 'creative' and had been using my abilities to assist others (photography, floral creations, jewelry making etc) it did not mean that I was making money...it simply meant that I was helping others get what they needed.  I walked away from projects without a dime but fulfilled, because at the end of the day, no amount of money could pay for the peace of mind of all involved.

I think what upsets me at times is the fact that some people don't take the time to get to know the real me (don't get me wrong, sometimes that is actually a good thing!) but I think it opens my eyes to the reality that some people could care less about getting to know who you really are - it's really about what they can get from you.

So anyway...long story short....through this process I find that I have lost or let go of people who I thought would have been here for the long haul - people who I had on my 'blessing list' ( my husband and I have a list of people we have come in contact with who we want to bless...to make it more meaningful we get to know them better and focus on their passions in life so that we can bless them specifically)...I was beginning to think that something was wrong with me - why can't I keep friends?!?!

It's all because we are heading into another level with God, on this level there will be people who have been blessed to be a blessing through encouraging words, finances, prophetic utterances etc.  He had placed persons in our lives who were supposed to be a blessing to us and they tightened their fists instead.  These people He had to remove, because He intends to replace them. (When I look at it that way, it calms me.)

When my husband and I first started out, we didn't have the easiest life, but it was so much more bearable - we could have actually understood ourselves...LOL.  Now, we don't understand how we yield so easily to God's will when life's storms ravage us...I can not explain this peace as we 'look up to see the bottom'.  I can not explain this happiness, or the joy I feel in being alone and not feeling lonely.  I thought that I would have been depressed now, but in actuality the burden of depression has been lifted off of me.

Through this process, my foundation keeps me grounded.  I'm more than willing to endure the fire because I know that I will come out as pure gold.  I don't mind the storms of life because I love the rain, and I know that at the end of it everything that doesn't belong will be wiped away and the air smells so much fresher.  The solidarity in our marriage has strengthened, and I am finding an individuality in my purpose.  I'm finding a strength in my praise, and my worship is flowing deeper.

Every single situation that we have been through brings me closer to my God and King and I would go through it all again...I would do it all again if I had to because at the end of the day I realize that I'm becoming a better me :-) These tears and scars are worth it.

Hands up in praise, heart full of worship,
 xoxo Jenna