I had planned to write an entry all about what I intend to give up for Lent and maybe some elaborate scheme to how I will get there. I then wanted to add some background information that explained the significance of Ash Wednesday (which is today) and the personal value that this opportunity to repent, mourn and reflect on human morality. I was then to end with the something nice that would probably cause you to reflect and consider the positive elements that lent could apply to your life...I woke up this morning, reflective. In renewing my mind through prayer and meditating on scripture I realized that a Christian's life is one that should always bear a mark of repentance. There are so many thoughts, ideas, and actions that we process (even in the the error of omission) that we MUST repent of our shortcomings - we can chalk it all up to flesh, or accept the fact that we were in fact, conceived in sin.
In this moment, our church family is mourning the loss of a matriarch, my immediate family is at the end of a grieving process, and now beginning to accept loss in a completely different area. There are so many tears to shed even though so many have been dried - and it is now that we truly grasp the concept of human frailty...it reminds us that we have become so comfortable in our temporary space.
I mentioned in an earlier post that we are in the process of relocating. I think that I am experiencing my personal Ash Wednesday in that place...just as they use the ashes from the previous Palm Sunday's palm fronds, I reflect on the process that has brought us to where we are now - last year, situations that brought us into a season of praise ended in agony; just as Christ was praised as He traveled through the streets of Jerusalem and tortured on His cross, we ourselves experienced a personal Golgotha. It baffles me when I think of how quickly things changed, and I am grateful to know that no matter the situation, Christ Himself teaches us that beauty is exchanged for ashes.
In reflection, I am thankful for the opportunity we were afforded to be in the environment we were in. I didn't realize that I would learn so much from the people around me (even though we keep to ourselves) I have seen beauty in the most impoverished places, and I have experienced the wishful fantasies and dreams that swirl about your head in striving for better. I have seen people who have created personal famines as well as those who are an oasis of wisdom, beckoning for others to drink.
It all seems so surreal and it cements the realization that this life is fragile...each wail of the mothers whose cry touched the heavens when their son's lifeless bodies hit the streets, each bullet that shattered the eventual silence, each shout of laughter from the children who are robed in innocence, each joyful triumph - everything happened in those streets! And the people there showed me their resilience - I think that that is what I was sent there to learn. That resilience - the defiant stand that they take. One that proves life and the actuality of living it.
I walk away with those sentiments even though there were times when we did not know what was going to happen next. This Ash Wednesday I remember that I am dust, and I shall return to dust. I remember to continue to treat everyone with respect. I remember that I can be in a position of power today and can find myself a pauper tomorrow...I also remember that I can be poor in spirit today, and in hope I can be spiritually enriched. I repent, and place myself before God's altar, a living sacrifice - understanding that I may crawl off said altar, but humble enough to understand that the altar is my rightful place and I must present myself blameless before Him.
This Ash Wednesday, I prepare myself for 40 days of personal and spiritual reflection and penitence. A few of those days will be spent cleaning up and clearing out of our present location - boxing up, putting aside, sorting out, giving away...I don't take the moving process lightly - it causes you to analyze and process the meaningful and unimportant.
I sit back to evaluate what I have personally gained and lost, and the persons, places, items, things that I should let go of or keep...
P.S. If you don't know what Ash Wednesday / Lent is all about, then watch this video by 'Busted Halo' from YouTube...it gives you a better idea ;-) (yeah, you're welcome)
Hands up in release, heart full of expectation,
xoxo Jenna
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