FINALLY!!!

Hey you guys! I just got back on my blog!!!! I am so excited!

We were so busy transitioning, and were plagued with malfunctioning electronics INCLUDING my phone...but I FINALLY got the opportunity to log in to the blog!

There is so much that I want to share, but not enough time in this first blog back...know that I've missed you guys, and it feels so good to be back!!!!! :-)

We are gearing up for our Independence Day celebrations (July 10th) and I want to do something a little special for this, our 41st anniversary.

I will see you guys soon!

Hands up in excitement, heart full of happiness,

xoxo Jenna

P.S. I'm back!!!!!! :-D

The 'Backup Bubbla'

Was anyone trying to reach me? Well, my phone was down for quite some time (You don't realize how important your cell phone is until you don't have it!)

It started out with me being unable to hear and converse with others - They could hear me, but I couldn't hear them...I resolved that situation by using the speaker phone option and turning the volume to a level that I was personally comfortable with and it moved into me adding volume with a 'hard of hearing' app that came with the phone.

 THEN, I had difficulty texting and dialing out...which carried me back to creating voice notes and using emoticons etc instead of typing...sigh.  THEN, (yes, there is more!) my screen started to fall apart (it had dropped and cracked months ago) and I started losing the sensor capabilities on my touch screen - I solved this solution by either applying pressure to the top right hand corner while simultaneously pressing what I needed to, or (when it got worse) squeezing the bottom left corner, OR (when NOTHING else would work) removing the phone from it's shell (not a case, THE ACTUAL HOUSING) and  slightly lifting the screen whilst squeezing the top right hand section of the phone...LOL!

And then...it began to have some difficulties charging....My husband would laugh at me as he watched me wrap the charger cord around my phone repeatedly, praying to see the sensor light up to indicate charge. At this point I knew I needed a new phone but I simply couldn't afford it.

I went in for a job interview a few days ago, and I was worried about the fact that I would not have a phone to keep in contact with him.  (I like to notify him of when I have arrived to a location and when I'm leaving, so that he can have an idea of where I am and what I'm doing) Before I left for the interview, my husband came into the room grinning - he had resurrected on of the very first phones I had : A Nokia 5110!

I could not believe it!!!! There were a few reasons I had put it down - the battery slid out of place (Remember that the whole back was the battery) and my antennae was broken, so it was rare to receive calls or texts if I wasn't in the right location.

You better believe that in the end, it was a 'Franken-phone" - he said that he 'upgraded' it, but we all know the truth - I really needed the laugh! The best part about it was the fact that I could play 'Snake' again :-)

 Do you remember how fun and frustrating it was to use the 2,4,6, and 8 keys to maneuver that ever growing snake around?  My score pales in comparison to my husbands, but it was so much fun to apply strategy :-D  I remember at one point, there was a Nokia model that allowed you to sync with another Nokia and play (was that the first attempt at Bluetooth?)

Okay, so all fun and jokes aside, the phone was resurrected and was OFFICIALLY a 'bubbla'.   In The Bahamas, a bubbla is an old phone model that can only do the basic tasks: call and text.  In most cases, a bubbla is the phone that you probably put away when you got your new phone.  In my case, I had a bubbla that fell into a few categories: 1) It was a classic. 2) I had to retire it due to the fact that I badly needed a replacement (so into the drawer it went). 3) It had to be modified to be used again.

See, the thing with bubbla modifications, is the fact that it really is not worth modifying.  You WILL NOT carry it into the shop because the repairers will laugh at you...and if you ARE brave enough to do so they probably don't have the outdated parts to fix it anyway.  You're best bet is to use what you have around the house because it will be your transition phone : tape, krazy glue, rubber bands, thread or string etc (You will have to be very creative because your communication with the rest of the country or world depends on it.)

So here is the picture of my bubbla that I have been too ashamed to be caught in public with (but surprisingly
enough, not ashamed to share here on my blog for millions to see...go figure.)

Let's start with the tape (which is actually my double-sided craft tape) He calls it the "racing stripe" which is not just for aesthetic purpose, but it also holds the battery in place (remember, that was the main reason I had to replace the phone.)

The second adjustment was the hair pin (no you DID see it right...he used my hairpin for boosted reception.) LOL! He said that it boosts signal...I wouldn't really know because when I DID carry it, I texted with the phone deep in my bag, and when it rang I turned it off.  Seriously.  (people were looking around trying to figure out where that old ringtone was coming from...sigh)

Hands up in laughter, heart full of amusement,

xoxo Jenna (Official Bubbla Owner)

Heart to Heart...

These past few months have been a process...I can't describe it any other way right now because I am being refined in areas that hurt the most.  At the end of the day, the only thing I can say is: "All for His glory."  I find myself reflecting on life and its purpose daily, praying that I'm aligned with God's perfected will.

I always knew that this walk was not going to be easy, but there are some days I wonder if it's supposed to be this hard. At this point, I want to be more transparent.  I want to be the type of Christian who reveals their scars and wounds to help others...I think I am bolder now...bold enough to share my testimony with others who need to know that Romans 8:28 is a lifestyle and not just a quote from the Bible.

These recent days have been enough to break me.   I don't think people realize just how much we are going through, and I think that is because God's grace and mercy has us wrapped up.  There are nights when I have cried out and asked God "What's next?", nights when I have told Him that I can not possibly go through this without Him.  In all honesty, I think that I would have lost my mind and ended up in the psychiatric hospital here on the island.

I have learned that people will smile, laugh, and share with you until they feel or know that you have nothing to bring to the table...it doesn't matter how much you have done for them, in the end it's all about what you can do for them now.  I have severed friendships this season that left me in grief, and then with a heavy heart I have watched friends walk away.  I have experienced lack of empathy from people I thought I would be empathetic, and I have found that, for some people, money is EVERYTHING.  I have received phone calls, texts, emails, whatsapp messages etc. that were so distasteful, that at one point I had to threaten to reveal persons true characters through social media.

This whole process has taught me a few things, among them is the fact that you truly can not trust in man (Psalm 146:3-4) .  The Bible itself says that the hands of flesh will fail you . I place my hopes in God's hands, believing (and knowing) that He cherishes everything about me, and that His hands are the safest place for my sanity. And in doing so, I have a peace that REALLY surpasses understanding - which brings me to my next problem: People see you genuinely happy, and if they know your struggle (and in some instances, they know because they are the cause of your struggle) they get upset because it means that you have some source of happiness, and they feel that you shouldn't.

I had to explain to someone a few weeks back that I was unemployed, and although I am a 'creative' and had been using my abilities to assist others (photography, floral creations, jewelry making etc) it did not mean that I was making money...it simply meant that I was helping others get what they needed.  I walked away from projects without a dime but fulfilled, because at the end of the day, no amount of money could pay for the peace of mind of all involved.

I think what upsets me at times is the fact that some people don't take the time to get to know the real me (don't get me wrong, sometimes that is actually a good thing!) but I think it opens my eyes to the reality that some people could care less about getting to know who you really are - it's really about what they can get from you.

So anyway...long story short....through this process I find that I have lost or let go of people who I thought would have been here for the long haul - people who I had on my 'blessing list' ( my husband and I have a list of people we have come in contact with who we want to bless...to make it more meaningful we get to know them better and focus on their passions in life so that we can bless them specifically)...I was beginning to think that something was wrong with me - why can't I keep friends?!?!

It's all because we are heading into another level with God, on this level there will be people who have been blessed to be a blessing through encouraging words, finances, prophetic utterances etc.  He had placed persons in our lives who were supposed to be a blessing to us and they tightened their fists instead.  These people He had to remove, because He intends to replace them. (When I look at it that way, it calms me.)

When my husband and I first started out, we didn't have the easiest life, but it was so much more bearable - we could have actually understood ourselves...LOL.  Now, we don't understand how we yield so easily to God's will when life's storms ravage us...I can not explain this peace as we 'look up to see the bottom'.  I can not explain this happiness, or the joy I feel in being alone and not feeling lonely.  I thought that I would have been depressed now, but in actuality the burden of depression has been lifted off of me.

Through this process, my foundation keeps me grounded.  I'm more than willing to endure the fire because I know that I will come out as pure gold.  I don't mind the storms of life because I love the rain, and I know that at the end of it everything that doesn't belong will be wiped away and the air smells so much fresher.  The solidarity in our marriage has strengthened, and I am finding an individuality in my purpose.  I'm finding a strength in my praise, and my worship is flowing deeper.

Every single situation that we have been through brings me closer to my God and King and I would go through it all again...I would do it all again if I had to because at the end of the day I realize that I'm becoming a better me :-) These tears and scars are worth it.

Hands up in praise, heart full of worship,
 xoxo Jenna

Word for the week...

Hey you guys!!!! I have been missing in action (for good reason) and I have spent my time in reflection (observing Lent).  Through this process I am finding a strength that I did not know existed...

I'm spending some time with my friend...we are brainstorming ides for our upcoming projects.  I just wanted to pop in and hail on this rainy afternoon!

I'm enjoying this weather and had the opportunity to walk here in the 'spry' (light rain) :-)

As usual, I'm BUSY!!! (I don't understand how I'm this busy and I don't work 'on the man's job'! LOL!)

These past few weeks I've been noticing that a lot of my friends are depressed and glum...I personally feel that since we are now in April, the energy that catapulted us into the new year is fizzling out.  We are now in the fourth month of the year, and many of us have probably decided that if it hasn't happened yet then it won't happen...boy have I got news for you!!!

The word of the week is: PUSH.

Keep pushing, keep believing, keep stepping.  We can not afford to lose momentum! Everything worth having is worth fighting for, so don't give up! It's okay to step back and analyze your progression...just DON'T GIVE UP!

It's okay if you have to cry, cry - but wipe the tears as you move forward.  If you have to take a breather, breathe, but get keep pushing (You get the idea) Just don't give up!

I told someone the other day that I am ready for my second wind...I have found that music and studying God's word helps me to keep my focus.  Find the positive things in life that makes you feel like you can conquer the world! Surround yourself with positive people and place yourself in uplifting environments.  Now is not the time to hinder your progress by throwing a pity party - YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT!!!

I used to hear people say "Fake it until you make it." I can't do that.   That will only cause me to practice being fake...  I say "FAITH it until you make it." Have faith in yourself, have faith in your dreams, have faith in your purpose.

I think that's how I got here now...sitting in my friend's bedroom, brainstorming ideas for upcoming events...I'm walking by faith. When you let go of fears and stand firm with a heart of expectancy, the atmosphere shifts because you believe in the possibility of the impossible!

Hands up in hope, heart full of thankfulness,
xoxo Jenna

Remembering Rambo...

 This past weekend our dog died :-( Missing him already...I don't think it's ever easy to explain the void you feel after the loss of a pet...

I remember when my brother-in-law first got him, we did not think he was going to survive because he was so young...we accepted the challenge of weaning him (his mother had died) and I left round the clock instructions for my husband (boyfriend at the time) and his brothers.

I can remember laughing at them when they had sleepless nights - not because he was sick or anything, but because Rambo felt that the best time to play was between the hours  of 2am-6am :-)  The boys always sounded like they were taking care of an actual baby...and they truly took care of him...

I could never recount all of the stories of loyalty... Rambo walked with us and protected us from danger, escorted our vehicles out of the corner, and happily greeted us when we arrived at the house.   He had this funny way of assisting you to open the car door, and I honestly think that his tail wagged him and not vice-versa.

He was such a humble dog who made friends with all of the other animals that came through the household - that included rabbits, cats, and other dogs.  He was never violent unless he felt that the family was threatened.  He was so intelligent!

I am grateful that we had the opportunity to have him, and I will miss his quirky ways.  I don't know when we are going to get another dog, but I do know that no one can replace him.

Reflections on Ash Wednesday

I had planned to write an entry all about what I intend to give up for Lent and maybe some elaborate scheme to how I will get there.  I then wanted to add some background information that explained the significance of Ash Wednesday (which is today) and the personal value that this opportunity to repent, mourn and reflect on human morality.  I was then to end with the something nice that would probably cause you to reflect and consider the positive elements that lent could apply to your life...

I woke up this morning, reflective.  In renewing my mind through prayer and meditating on scripture I realized that a Christian's life is one that should always bear a mark of repentance.  There are so many thoughts, ideas, and actions that we process  (even in the the error of omission) that we MUST repent of our shortcomings - we can chalk it all up to flesh, or accept the fact that we were in fact, conceived in sin.

In this moment, our church family is mourning the loss of a matriarch, my immediate family is at the end of a grieving process, and now beginning to accept loss in a completely different area.  There are so many tears to shed even though so many have been dried - and it is now that we truly grasp the concept of human frailty...it reminds us that we have become so comfortable in our temporary space.

I mentioned in an earlier post that we are in the process of relocating.  I think that I am experiencing my personal Ash Wednesday in that place...just as they use the ashes from the previous Palm Sunday's palm fronds, I reflect on the process that has brought us to where we are now - last year, situations that brought us into a season of praise ended in agony; just as Christ was praised as He traveled through the streets of Jerusalem and tortured on His cross, we ourselves experienced a personal Golgotha.  It baffles me when I think of how quickly things changed, and I am grateful to know that no matter the situation, Christ Himself teaches us that beauty is exchanged for ashes.

 In reflection, I am thankful for the opportunity we were afforded to be in the environment we were in.  I didn't realize that I would learn so much from the people around me (even though we keep to ourselves) I have seen beauty in the most impoverished places, and I have experienced the wishful fantasies and dreams that swirl about your head in striving for better.  I have seen people who have created personal famines as well as those who are an oasis of wisdom, beckoning for others to drink.

It all seems so surreal and it cements the realization that this life is fragile...each wail of the mothers whose cry touched the heavens when their son's lifeless bodies hit the streets, each bullet that shattered the eventual silence, each shout of laughter from the children who are robed in innocence, each joyful triumph - everything happened in those streets! And the people there showed me their resilience - I think that that is what I was sent there to learn.  That resilience - the defiant stand that they take.  One that proves life and the actuality of living it.

I walk away with those sentiments even though there were times when we did not know what was going to happen next.  This Ash Wednesday I remember that I am dust, and I shall return to dust.  I remember to continue to treat everyone with respect.  I remember that I can be in a position of power today and can find myself a pauper tomorrow...I also remember that I can be poor in spirit today, and in hope I can be spiritually enriched.  I repent, and place myself before God's altar, a living sacrifice - understanding that I may crawl off said altar, but humble enough to understand that the altar is my rightful place and I must present myself blameless before Him.

This Ash Wednesday, I prepare myself for 40 days of  personal and spiritual reflection and penitence.  A few of those days will be spent cleaning up and clearing out of our present location - boxing up, putting aside, sorting out, giving away...I don't take the moving process lightly - it causes you to analyze and process the meaningful and unimportant.

I sit back to evaluate what I have personally gained and lost, and the persons, places, items, things that I should let go of or keep...

P.S. If you don't know what Ash Wednesday / Lent is all about, then watch this video by 'Busted Halo' from YouTube...it gives you a better idea ;-) (yeah, you're welcome)

Hands up in release, heart full of expectation,
xoxo Jenna

Just popping in!

Hey you guys!  I have been M.I.A. for a few weeks...I don't even know where to begin!

I have so much to blog about, and not enough time. I have been adjusting and preparing myself in ministry etc. and have had the opportunity to meet with so many different people from all walks of life.  As I write this, my family and I are preparing to relocate and there are so many details to sort out.

At the moment we are processing death, the capacities of marriage, new life, transitioning, ministry...the ups and downs of life...I am so thankful for the husband that I have.  His support has been immensely positive and stregthening.

I just wanted to pop in and say 'hey!' sooooo: "HEY!!!!!" :-)

I'm looking forward to sharing my past few weeks with you, I'm just asking that you bear with me as I get situated.

See you guys again VERY soon - there is SO MUCH that I want to share with you guys!!!!

Hands up in gratefulness, heart full of anticipation,
xoxo Jenna