Lost & Found

I went searching for something that was never lost
to replace a heart that never failed
remove the pain that never existed
exacting a revenge that could not be connected to anything remotely significant...
procuring evidence...for nothing
And I took the time to doubt
reflect
fear
Images of what should consume me
and I smothered the guilt that should be
I thought this was what I wanted as I searched...

Intentionally looking in places that I knew I would not recover
Halos seem twisted in this sentiment - You wouldn't be there if this is not what you wanted
And if this is not what you wanted you wouldn't say that it was
And if you didn't say that it was then you wouldn't find yourself here
or there...
so what do I want?

I wish I could tell you, but it's betrayal
I pray this prayer over and over
drunk in this sin  - wish I could sober
and I'm lined with denial...

I look in your eyes and I find me...
So before I search again for something I already have
I will run away from them and run to you
I will lose myself in truth
Longing to lose myself in you

2014 (c)