In reflection...

Disclaimer: This entry may not make any sense.
I have been trying to sort out my emotions for a few days...I got some disheartening news and I simply couldn't function.  I didn't realize how deeply I was affected until I tried to edit photos, but couldn't.

Usually, photo editing keeps me focused, in this instance I could only lean on an old friend...one I consider my baby sister.  She is thousands of miles away but it felt like she was right here beside me holding my hand as we sifted through the bittersweet nostalgia of  what we could together.

Today, I spent about an hour at the beach.  It helped me clear my thoughts a bit, but there is still a dull ache. I'm trying to be as optimistic as possible, and I am grateful for people who have given me my space and time.   In my moment of clarity on the beach, I could only exhale breaths of thankfulness.  I didn't want to think of the uncertainty of a person's character.  I didn't want to wonder what others were possibly thinking, or where they are personally headed.  I wanted to get away from the headlines and the hearsay.

When I got back in, I drafted a simple email...and I honestly don't even remember what I wrote...but I felt better.  It's more than some people probably would have done.  I saw it written somewhere: "If you don't say something, the person who needs to hear it won't". And now...all I can do is wait...

I look back and  I realize that there is so much more to life than materialistic things - friendship, family, ministry...those are the most important things to me and I value them.  I am probably willing to put my life on the line for the relationships that I do have.

So, in this my moment of reflection, I guess I must come to the conclusion that this is life.  We can't live it for each other.  We can't live through each other. We must endure with each other's decisions and stand as firmly as we can.   And then I wonder if I have ever cried this much at the loss of life...no one has died, but it feels like I did a little because I expected so much more than this...

 I cried for someone's innocence.  I pray that it was not in vain.

Hands up in surrender , heart full of tears ,

xoxo Jenna